When I was a kid…

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When i was a kid, i used to imagine what my life would be like at 20 or 30.

I used to think i would be this accomplished young woman, with ambition and strength, who was trying to conquer the world, by herself. You know, like the young women we see in movies ? I always admired these women for what they were. They inspired me. They gave me hope and shaped the person i thought i ought myself to be.

Unfortunately, i wasn’t planning on losing my way growing up. I was supposed (or more “wanted”) to have it all figured out by now. Study, work and have the life i dreamt of. I’ve learnt that it’s not as easy as it seems when you’re a child. Blinded by my innocence, i was dreaming of what my life could be, safely tucked in the comfort of my home. The noises of my siblings, playing or yelling, surrounding me and making it hard to focus.

But, everything changed one day. The summer was here and the holidays didn’t seem as great as they should have. Suddenly, many aspects of my life changed. Where or who i lived with. The way i saw life, love and beauty. My plans had gone up in smoke and i felt like i was left alone, all by myself. Even if it wasn’t true, it still hurt like hell. I know it seems childish but it takes time to heal from something that happened to you. Somehow, i feel like i didn’t grieve this part of my life yet.

So, here i am. I’m 23 and i’m feeling lost. I’m young and still have time to know what i want to do with my life but it’s not that easy… That fact alone – the fact that i have no real goal in life – makes me feel so lost. Even though i know it’s okay to be lost for a while, it’s frustrating too. I feel like i’m stuck where i am. Emotionaly stuck.

Do you ever get that feeling too ?

[PS: This post makes no sense. I know.]

K.

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