If you still talk about it, you still care about it.

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Nothing makes more sense than this. All those years, i’ve been fooling myself into thinking i was over something that happened when i was younger. But i still wonder how or why it happened. I still talk about it. A lot. Like i usually say, some questions are better left unanswered. Still, what’s left unsaid says it all. The need for answers will always be there. I know that. I always knew. What i didn’t know was that i also needed to speak from my heart. To say those words to someone. Somehow. Someday. So, here i am.

I don’t believe in love. I don’t want to be married. I don’t want to have kids. Not now. Not in the future. Of course, i’ve heard a few people say that i’m still young, that i still have time to decide what i want, bla bla bla… But I truly don’t want any of that. It’s who i am. If i’m being honest, I’ve always wondered if what happened made me the way i am today. I still wonder.

All those years, i thought my first love was the most painful and heartbreaking experience i’ve ever had to live. Oh, teenager’s love. I realise now how wrong i was. The truth is, you can’t break a broken heart. If i could pinpoint the moment i stopped believing in things, such as love, i know exactly which moment i would choose. The hardest moment of my life. The day two of the most important people in my life broke my trust and my heart along the way.

Some things are inevitable. They’ll leave you scars, even while you’re trying to build yourself back up. It’s all part of life. I wish i hadn’t lost so much time keeping things to myself. I wish i had the courage to talk about it, whether they liked it or not. I wish i had talked about it in order to move forward because i know for sure that i still care about it. That’s inevitable. I will always care.

K.

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